You can walk home at night knowing you’re not going to get murdered
Jacinda turns the Beehive into a creche for marginalised babies
Sanitarium changes ownership and is run by entrepreneurial homeless
Men have to pay higher tax for a week every month
Every time Briscoes has a sale you get a holiday
Everyone loses most of their money for a year in their life before getting it all back
Anyone who owns a porche has to ride a bike instead
Women get the right of way on the road
Rainbows must legislate straight marriage
Nurses get a bonus when they save a life
Bad marriages are forced to break up before they get worse
Millionaires can only tell the truth
Wolf whistling at girls from cars hasn’t been invented
‘Man-sized’ anything was never thought up
F45 was bought out by a community gardening initiative the second it was invented
You can lie about your rental history and no one can dispute it
Parties exist and you only get tired if you want to
If you really believe in manifesting it comes true
Ex-boyfriends have to stand trial for misbehaviour
All the elephants in the world still have their tusks
Social welfare is just called welfare
Housing estates are where you find the best restaurants in the world
You can’t get the wifi password if you’ve never lost someone